Road Rage

On occasion I screw up as a parent. No, no, it's true. I have days when I'm less than perfect. As I mentioned in the previous post, we went to the zoo on Friday. On the way home, we ran into some heavy traffic which spurred my latest poor display of behavior.

Traffic had basically came to a very slow methodical pace. We were in the middle lane, keeping a car's length behind the person in front of us. To our right was a semi truck. I looked in the rear view mirror to see our children all asleep. I was fighting the notion to do the same given that my wife and I were both exhausted from our excursion.

As I looked out towards the semi, I noticed it was getting closer. I jerked to attention because I thought I had drifted toward it. I then figured out that I was not moving toward it, rather the truck had decided to change to our lane. The problem with this was that the enormous vehicle was going to run right into us.

We were forced into the left lane, and fortunately, the driver in that lane noticed the situation and made a complete stop allowing us room to transition over. I was furious. We were very close to being pinned under the trailer of the semi. What an idiot. The next chance I got I decided to share my criticism of the semi driver's abilities.

The passenger side window was down so I leaned over my wife's lap and yelled up to the rather burly man behind the wheel. I can't remember exactly what I said, but it felt good to say it. He in return shouted back at me, but the truck's loud engine drowned out his voice.

I like to think that he simply stated, "My apologies, good sir. You have every right to be upset with me. I do not know what I was thinking to force my way into your lane. You are an awesome driver and I am not. By the way, your minivan is sweet." However, by the accompanying gestures he was making, those words were nothing like what he said in reality.

The traffic tempo picked up and soon we were traveling at a normal speed. I was still fuming a little bit about our near death experience when I heard a tiny voice pipe up in the back and ask, "Daddy, why did you yell at that man in the truck?"

Crap.

My wife glanced at me with an amused look on her face. "Well, Daddy, why did you?" she said tauntingly.

Double crap.

"Well, dear," I said thoughtfully. "It's because that man driving the truck did something very dangerous that almost hurt us. I just let him know that I was not happy about it."

Silence.

I could see in the rear view mirror that she was really thinking hard about everything. I began to feel guilty. To be honest, not so much that I yelled at the idiot in the truck, but rather that my little girl witnessed it. Man, I really thought she was asleep.

I can sense when she is uncomfortable with certain things, and this was one of those moments I feared. I think my sudden burst of anger kind of freaked her out actually. She was entitled to a further explanation. Some sort of life lesson could be made out of this experience I thought. She needs to know that Daddy's behavior is not how you interact with other people. So I contemplated what I was going to say, hoping for wisdom in the situation. And then it came to me.

"Who wants ice cream?" I shouted.

Cheers erupted from the back of the van.

Problem solved. She never said another word about the idiot in the truck.

The zoo

Every once in awhile, my wife and I have a day when we feel like we are fantastic parents. Not often, but occasionally this is the case. Friday we had that satisfaction - we took our kids to the zoo.

The children thoroughly enjoyed the 6 hours we spent there. It was fun, but after hour #4, the magic starts to wear off and I start to lose interest. My ADD starts to kick in and I begin pondering such things a "I wonder what that animal would taste like grilled?" Mmmm....meat.

There were only a few animals that we didn't see. We hit all the major ones though. i.e. polar bears, elephants, tigers, lions, gorillas etc. There were a few highlights to the day of course. One of which, was that our youngest daughter voluntarily held a boa constrictor. A zoo employee was holding the snake, allowing people the opportunity to hold and pet it.(At least, I hope he was a zoo employee. Now that I think about it, I did think it was odd he was stationed in the parking lot sitting in the back of his van that had a Wizard mural painted on the side of it. It seemed unprofessional of him to not wear a shirt as well. hmmm...)

She hopped right up to him and allowed the man to put the snake on her lap. My wife and I both looked at each other in amazement. She's so unpredictable. I was very proud of her bravery. I, on the other hand, would not do that. You see, I hate snakes, they scare the bicripson out of me. The zoo employee informed us that the snake was harmless to humans, and assured us that most snakes do not pose a danger to humans. Whatever, man. If I see a snake around my house, I will scream like a little girl and if I have a shovel, I will chop its head off. He said that people kill snakes out of ignorance. If so, consider me an idiot. Ick.

The other highlight of the day occurred at the weasel display. My wife said to me, "Have you seen what's going on in there?" as she pointed to the animals behind the glass. I looked up to see 2 creatures, ummm, "wrestling" with each other. The children apparently accepted the explanation that the weasels were "wrestling" as they eventually moved on to the next exhibit. That was a lot of nature happening in there. It was funny watching people's reaction to the "wrestling match". Adults would stroll by, trying to figure out exactly was going on with the tangled pulsating clump of grey fur, and once the realty of the situation hit them, their eyes would widen and uneasy laughter soon followed. Kids were pointing with quizzical looks. Whispers and giggles filled the room. Parents hurriedly ushered their children past the amorous activities. The scene would've made a great video for Captain and Tennille's "Muskrat Love".

6 hours at the zoo is plenty. Some might even say 3 hours too long. Overall, the kids loved it and my wife and I enjoyed ourselves too. We felt like we had successfully performed our parental duties that day. Lord knows there are many days when we fail miserably.

At the end of the day, we recapped the kids' favorite animals. The 4 year-old stated she really liked the owl("coz it's head turned all the way around"), the other 2 really liked the condor ("because it flapped it's wings really wide"), and they all liked the zebras for some strange reason. Personally, I view them as just uniquely painted horses.

As for me, I liked the polar bears. For being so huge, they really are graceful creatures, especially as they swim laps in the water. Also, the gorillas are incredible animals that are somewhat mesmerizing to watch. Both were very impressive.

But neither are nearly as entertaining as weasels.

Hair gum

Just out of curiosity, does anybody out there have a home remedy for removing gum from hair? I have one, but it involves a pair of scissors, a bowl of ice cream, and convincing a 4 year-old to not tell her mother what happened.

It would've been one thing had it been her gum. Without going into specifics, I'll just say that what seemed at the time to be a funny spontaneous joke, quickly turned into not being funny as well as a "there's no way I should be a parent" moment.

* The usual Friday post will probably not happen this week since we will be spending the day at the zoo. Instead, I hope to add to the blog on Saturday, undoubtedly talking about our family's day trip.

Joyce family

Last evening I had the chance to photograph the Joyce family. We had a beautiful location to shoot at and from a photographer's standpoint it doesn't get much better than that. In addition to being very photogenic, the kids were incredible on their dirt bike & 4 wheeler. I'm glad they didn't offer to allow me to try one out because I fear I might have ended up in the pond.

Itinerary

Summer has begun. The kids are out of school as well as my wife. She is a teacher and enjoyed her first full day of her summer break yesterday. We are looking forward to having a great summer and I am sure she is ecstatic about getting to spend so much time with me.

The downside to her being around here is now she’ll know exactly how I spend my days. During the school year, it was a bit of a mystery to her. Although I did make out an itinerary once that itemized for her exactly what a typical weekday was like for me. I chose a random day to document a time line of activity. Some of you might recognize this from our family’s annual newsletter sent out at Christmas. It got a good response the first time it was published so I figured I might as well put it out there once again. My wife is very interested to find out if there is any truth to it.

Tuesday, Dec. 9, 2008

6:45am – woke up

7:00am – fell back to sleep

7:15am – my wife made me get up and threw a hard object at me

7:30am – made breakfast for kids, apologized to wife for oversleeping

7:50am – took shower

8:25am – shower was cut short because hot water was gone

8:30am – saw wife and 2 of my oldest daughters off to school

9: 00am – got dressed and made myself look amazing

9:05am – made a fort with blankets

9:25am – my 4 year-old daughter asked what I was doing and if she could play too

9:30am – cleaned up kitchen

10:00am – had debate with the 4 year-old as to why she should not change her outfit for the 4^th time this morning

10:30am – changed 4 year-old’s outfit for the 4^th time this morning

10:45am – played hide 'n seek with her

11:00am – hid from my daughter (she thought I had left the house for real…hilarious)

11:25am – had to tell her to “stop licking the dog” (never thought I’d have to say those words to somebody)

12:00pm – the dog chewed up yet another spoon

12:01pm – kicked dog

12:10pm – made our lunch

12:45pm – took my daughter to preschool

1:00pm – said prayer of thanks to God for having given us “preschools”

1:15-1:45pm – air guitar solos

1:45-2:10pm – rested due to exhaustion from sweet air guitar solos

2:25-2:45pm – talked into a fan

2:45- 3:05pm – just chilled

3:05- 3:20pm - relaxed

3:25pm – picked up daughter from school

3:35pm – put in a load of dirty clothes, folded basket of clean clothes, swept, mopped floor, emptied dishwasher, filled dishwasher, clipped coupons, dusted, cleaned kitchen counters, scrubbed toilets, wiped up sinks, started making dinner, paid a few bills, made a quilt, cleaned out the refrigerator, wrote a sonnet poem about my wife, straightened up pillows, put fan back in closet, disassembled the fort and then put blankets back on beds

4:15pm – my wife and 2 daughters came home

My wife said, “The house looks amazing. I am so blessed to have you as my husband.”

4:16pm – I agreed with her

Mark & Alana's wedding

Mark and Alana's wedding was a great event. They both have laid-back personalities but yet are a very fun couple. The bridal party knew how to have a good time which in turn makes for a lot of great subject matter to photograph. It's nice to see a couple who thoroughly enjoys being around each other. Here's a few pics from their day that I had the privilege of being a part of...

Nature's way

When you've been a parent for awhile, in my case 9 years, you develop the ability to decipher a kid's scream as to whether there's a true emergency or not. That's why when my oldest daughter yelled through the window, "Daddy, come out here, quick!", I could tell nobody was severely injured or about to be severely injured. So, 15 minutes later I strolled out the front door to check out the situation.

The younger girls huddled around my oldest daughter, as she was holding something small in her hand. As it turns out, it was a baby bird. Not a cute baby bird, but a baby bird that was still kind of alien-looking with only a few formed feathers. It was moving though.

"Daddy, look, it's a baby bird!" she held it up so I could see better. I think it fell out of that tree over there. I am going to take care of it."

I informed her that it was going to die because that's what usually happens in nature when a baby gets separated from it's mother. I went back inside to answer a phone call, and the three bird caretakers remained outside, discussing what to do.

They came to the conclusion they needed to dig up worms to feed it, which they did. However, the worms were too big that they found. They would need to be cut. Hence, I looked out my window to see my 4 year-old daughter running through the yard holding a steak knife.

Being the experienced, responsible parent that I am, I instantly shouted to her, "How many times have I told you to be careful when you're running with a steak knife?"

Ok, I didn't really say that. I made her hand it over to me in exchange for a pair of child-safe scissors. Father of the Year.

The rest of the afternoon, the kids sliced and served up worms to the ugly little creature. I didn't want them to get their hopes up, so I kept saying, "You guys are doing an awesome job...but it's going to die."

Fast forward a couple more hours, and I returned home from doing a few errands and my wife informed me that the bird finally died. There were tears shed, I think only by my oldest daughter who took the passing personally. By the time I saw her though, the tears had stopped and she seemed back to normal. And that's when I said, "Honey, I can't believe you let that little birdie die. It's all your fault. You failed big time."

Relax, I'm kidding. But I have been calling her "Bird Killer" since then.

This morning, we got around to burying the carcass. We went out to the yard and I asked if anybody would like to say anything. I explained again that things like this happened in nature all of the time and that's just how it's supposed to be. It does amaze me though how kids become attached so quickly to something. They informed me that they'd even named the ugly thing.

So this morning after breakfast, which ironically consisted of fried eggs, we gathered in the backyard for the burial. My girls and the neighbor boy huddled around the small hole and they sadly placed the nasty lifeless body in it. My oldest daughter appeared a little forlorn, but not overly emotional. The other three clowns kept commenting on how gross the bird was.

And that's how the story ends - in a shallow grave. Which of course, I fully expect our dog to dig up shortly hereafter. I fear that was not the last we'll see of that bird. It'll probably end up deposited on our couch cushion by our curious canine.

By the way, the name given to the baby bird by my kids?

"Lucky"