April Fool

With this blog, I try to be as honest as possible. I think I owe it to my blog’s readers – all 3 of them. On occasion, I use poor judgment and make mistakes. No, really I do. I was thinking of one such instance and here’s my account of the situation. Maybe some of you have similar experiences yourselves - probably not though.

Last April 1st I had settled the girls in their beds for the night, and brainstormed the ingenious idea to prank them. As far as I knew, it would be their first April Fool’s joke experience.

“Well, girls, I have something to tell you,” I started out. “As you all know, Mommy hasn’t felt the greatest lately. She’s had an achy belly and has felt yucky. Well, she doesn’t have the flu.”

“What daddy? What does she have?” my oldest daughter asked.

“Well, she has something called ‘morning sickness’. Mommies get ‘morning sickness’ when they are pregnant and are going to have a baby,” I informed them. I could hardly say that with a straight face, believing this to be a grand joke on the three unsuspecting girls. I expected their reactions to be of shock, maybe perhaps of absolute terror at the thought of their mom having another baby.

Wrong.

“You mean, Mommy is going to have a baby?” my oldest daughter questioned with her big blue eyes welling up with tears of joy.

At that moment, I realized that her father was an absolute idiot. My heart sank, as I now knew that I horribly miscalculated how they’d receive that news.

“Ummm, April Fool’s!” I shouted, nervously awaiting their response. Fortunately, I think I confused the younger two with the term ‘morning sickness’, and they stopped listening to me a while ago. However, the elder sibling still sat there, confused as ever.

“You mean, Mommy isn’t going to have a baby? Why would you say that then? Who’s April Fools?” she asked, still trying to figure out what was going on.

I briefly described the principle idea behind April Fool’s Day and then started to sincerely apologize for the joke gone horribly wrong. She listened, still a little excited from the initial thought of having another baby in the family. For a moment, I actually considered how fun it would be to inform the girls if we really did have another baby. That brief moment gave way to reality, as I snapped out of that insane notion. Now that would have been the ultimate April Fool’s joke if my wife became impregnated. By “joke” I mean “nightmare”. If that were the case, I’d definitely have some strong words for my urologist.

My daughter, still slightly disappointed in the fact her daddy was a jerk, rolled over and undoubtedly continued to think about what might have been and never will be.

Hilarious.