On Wednesday the ladies and me traveled northward to the huge county fair in Sandusky, OH known as "Cedar Point". The rest of the Bowers clan was jazzed for the trip. As for me, not so much. I don't intend to be a Debbie Downer but it's just not my thing. I don't care to be around all those people, annoying bells and whistles, standing in lines, and most of all - roller coasters. My enjoyment came from watching the girls absolutely love the place. So, all in all, it wasn't a bad day by any means. But, like every other Bowers family outing, it had its moments...
We didn't arrive to the park until early afternoon. By most C.P. goers' standards, that's a late start. Our plan, though, was to stay there late so that the children fell asleep on the way home and then would go to bed quickly upon our return. This did work actually. The bad part about this was that we had to park at the very outer edge of the lot. I think technically our parking space was in Fremont. Sweet Moses.
My wife and I had a "conversation" about whether or not we were going to bring our cooler into the park. My argument was that we had the world's largest cooler with no wheels, and I wasn't about to carry it 27 miles to the front entrance. She didn't appear happy about it, but she eventually caved and agreed to keep it in the minivan. I'd be visiting the chiropractor for the next several weeks had she not.
When I say, "I don't care for roller coasters," that really translates: "I'd rather watch the movie 'Exorcist'...by myself...in the dark...in a cemetery...with a priest." What I'm trying to convey here is that I wouldn't do either. My wife and daughters thought it was spectacular, however. I suppose the machismo in me should feel a little ashamed that 3 little girls showed more bravery than me. Fair enough. However, the self respect in me is glad that I didn't attempt any type of spinning, twirling, zooming ride because I surely would have messed my khaki shorts. Just keeping it real, people.
Speaking of human waste, here's an interesting tidbit for you. I popped into a restroom to, well, use the restroom. As I approached the urinal I noticed that I was sloshing around in a 1/2 inch of water. "Must be a busted pipe someplace in here," I thought to myself. I finished my business and flushed. (I do not touch public toilets with my hands due to my germaphobic tendencies. Rather, I typically will kick the handle. This particular handle was much too high to kick due to my pathetic range of flexibility so I had to use my elbow.) Anyway, as I did so, the water came spilling from the bowl, carrying with it what I had just put into it. The fellow next to me had the same thing happen as well. Because I am extremely bright, I figured out almost instantly that I was standing in a 1/2 inch of waste water. Fantabulous.
My second thought that exploded in my head was, "Thank you, dear Lord, for me deciding to not wear flip flops." (I just threw up in my mouth a little bit thinking of that unfortunate scenario.) I walked out, shoes squeaking a tad, and informed my wife of the water park I just visited. Her eyes rolled and she said what I had already considered: "At least you wore tennis shoes." We do our best to be positive people and look at the glass as half full and not half empty - even when you're not totally sure what exactly is in the glass. Yikes.
Moving on...
I truly was amazed at how well the girls did. They rode most rides that they met the height requirement. I marveled at how they found enjoyment in riding those things. My wife was right there with them most of the time. The routine of the day consisted of them going on various attractions while I sat on park benches, usually right along side some other poor sap who didn't like them either. I shared seats with a few interesting people, none more so than the little boy who pretended to be a barking dog. His parents didn't seem to mind. I would have moved but it was a very nice bench in a shaded area. Quality benches like that don't come open all that often I discovered throughout the sunny warm day. I just dealt with the disturbing young lad and enjoyed the shady coolness. So wherever you are tonight, Dog Boy, it was a pleasure meeting you. ruff ruff.
Here's something I don't understand...
People intentionally standing in a spot so that they get doused with nasty stagnant water. Mmmm....sounds good. This stuff has a smell that suggests that it's probably not healthy to have it on your skin for very long, if at all. We passed scores of folks who had spent the entire day at the park, soaked to the bone with this lagoon fluid. Maybe it was my experience in the bathroom earlier in the day that really enhanced my aversion to questionable water.
One of our last stops of the day was the petting zoo. Basically this was just a fenced area with a few goats and sheep that pretty much did whatever they wanted wherever they wanted. Kids walked through small rivers of animal urine and stepped in spherical droppings of fecal matter. Good times, good times. The kids got to see a little more nature than my wife and I anticipated too. "Look Daddy, that goat is on top of the other goat!" my daughter pointed out to me at one point. "Yes, yes it is. Hey, let's go look at the pigs," was my response.
The petting zoo turned out to be a huge blessing in disguise though. I suppose it was a combination of things: the fact that I was surrounded by sweaty & wet people, the fact that I had touched multiple surfaces that probably had innumerable germs, and of course my ever-growing germaphobia that made me so excited to see this next to the zoo gate:
Our visit to Cedar Point ended with us sharing an American classic: the elephant ear. God bless the person responsible for creating those things. Man, those are good. I think the children were a little hesitant though when I told them what I was ordering. I'm sure all sorts of images popped into their tiny little heads. They must have been relieved to see a flattened donut instead of a large fleshy piece of elephant meat.
When ordering the ear, I discovered that I was a little more tired than I realized - or dumber. I had stood in the line for at least 10 minutes when the guy behind me said, "Hey man, have you ordered yet?"
I figured that he was about to ask if he could jump ahead of me for some reason or another. At this point, I just wanted to get my elephant ear, devour it with my family, and head home as quickly as possible. I was in no mood to chit chat or to do anybody a favor. Least of all, one that would delay me leaving Cedar Point any sooner. So, I coldly and rather simply replied, "No."
Turning my back to the man, I stood there hoping he wasn't going to keep talking to me. But of course, he did.
"I didn't think so," he stated. "I just wanted to let you know that this is the 'pick up' line. Over there is the 'ordering' line."
It's time to go home, Jason. Idiot.
We eventually scarfed down the elephant ear that I waited in line twice for and exited the park. The kids were appreciative of our efforts and all of them chorused, "Thank you, mom and dad," as we embarked on our tenuous journey through the massive parking lot. Personally, I was very appreciative of the fact that I wasn't carrying an enormous cooler. I did have to tote a sticky-handed 4 year-old on my shoulders though.
All in all, it was a good day. A long, long, long day, but a good day nonetheless.
The next morning began with my wife putting my shoes in the washing machine for a much needed cleaning.
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