Wednesday, June 10, 2009

El Stupido




My kids ask many questions. Many, many questions. Unfortunately for me, these inquiries just sometimes serve as constant reminders of just how stupid I am. So, on occasion when one of my children asks a question that I do not know the correct answer to, I do the best that I can.

I lie.

To them I then sound smart and they leave the conversation satisfied. It's just good parenting. It's what we call in the parenting biz, "a win/win situation".

Anyhow, yesterday during a casual dialogue, my little girl asked me if I knew what "El Nino" was. I said, "Well heck yes I do."

Now, El Nino has been a household term for approximately 15 years now it seems. I probably should actually know what it is. I kind of do, but to explain it to somebody is another thing. So, I proceeded to inform her of the following...

"El Nino has to do with weather - mostly rain, the temperature of the ocean, climate changes and patterns, Mexico, and the number 9. It's very complicated, dear," I told her.

She looked noticeably confused. So was I. She didn't respond for a moment but I could see her mind working overtime. I thought for a second that I might actually get away with the load of nonsense I just fed her, but then she responded.

"The number 9? What? I don't understand, dad."

"Oh sure, 'El Nino' is Spanish for 'the nine'," was my response. I would have been okay had I not added the whole "number 9" part. Idiot.

Still obviously confused, she said, "But Dad, I thought the number nine in Spanish was 'nueve'?".

"Honey, go to your room. I think about nueve minutes should be sufficient."

Of course, I didn't actually send her to her room. I think making her head spin with serious concerns about her father's mental capacity was punishment enough.

She'll think twice before she poses a question to me again anytime soon.