5 Dogs

Our family is really into day trips. We randomly pick a destination within a couple hours of our home, pack up the children and a few snacks and just let the day play itself out. It's fun and usually results in creating some good family memories. Yesterday we decided to head to Columbus for the day.

We loaded up a cooler full of food, and ended up having a picnic in a park we like to visit in German Village. With a blanket sprawled out, and a nice spread of food, we enjoyed a meal underneath a large oak tree. We were entertained by a middle-aged skateboarder and a peculiar squirrel. The skateboarder repeatedly rolled by our location, apparently in no hurry to actually go anywhere. He continually attempted a lame trick that although didn't look impressive at all, would surely result in me breaking a bone or excessive bleeding if I tried it. Even our kids were a bit puzzled by his behavior.

"What is he doing?" our oldest daughter asked.

"Not sure," I replied. "I think he's trying to impress you guys." Their eyes rolled back into their heads.

"Well, we're not impressed," they informed me.

I love my girls. I hope they keep that same mentality about guys for many years to come.

As the skater continued his "radness", a curious squirrel sat and watched us eat. That in itself wasn't strange, but the small woodland creature repeatedly made a weird noise. We all agreed that this was not a normal squirrel due to its unique sound. Urban park squirrels must be a bit more rough than country squirrels. This thing was not at all intimidated by people and came very close to us emitting his high pitched chirp. I didn't mind the noise as much as I did the smoke from its cigarette. That's just rude.

After eating, we strolled around the park, and the kids fed bread crumbs to the ducks. My wife and I both observed that parks really do attract people from all walks of life. There were young professionals, old retirees, and people fishing (quite possibly for their dinner). I often noticed my kids staring. To be honest, I too was mesmerized by a couple of the park patrons. None more so than the guy carrying around 2 turtles he had evidently caught. Everybody needs a hobby I guess.

My wife and I decided to take the kids to a Columbus Clippers baseball game. This is the first year for the new Huntington Park and it's absolutely beautiful. It's very kid friendly and I strongly recommend it to any family. The kids thoroughly enjoyed the experience, although they could really care less about the game taking place on the field.

By the time we got there, all of the seats had been sold out. The only remaining tickets were "standing room only." So we basically were told that we'd just have to roam around and find an open space to view the game. As it turned out, it worked out perfectly because we paid a minimal amount for admission and then eventually found good seats close to the field.

What contributed to the large attendance last night was that it was "Dime a Dog Night". Yup, hot dogs cost only 10 cents. This apparently brought a lot of people out to the ballpark. Our kids all thought this was wonderful. We managed to get a few dogs prior to the large line that continued throughout the game. We found a bench to sit on while the kids stuffed their faces. I looked over to notice a videographer from a local tv station readying his camera. He evidently was looking for some footage for the newscast later that evening. He gazed over the crowd and inevitably set his sights on our family.

"Don't look now," I said to my wife, "but I think we're about to be videotaped."

Sure enough, the guy started rolling tape on us. As soon as he began, it was like carnival music starting playing and lights spotlighted our traveling circus. First of all, our youngest daughter attempted to shove her half-eaten hot dog up my wife's nose. Not sure why, but she apparently felt this was a good idea. I'm convinced it looked great through the man's camera lens though. Then, my other daughter spilled a full bottle of water over and it soaked part of my pants. This all happened in the matter of 5 seconds.

The newsman finally put down his camera and revealed a large grin on his face. He looked at us as if to say, "This footage is golden. Thank you. Freaks."

In addition to him, we also put on a show for the guy across the way from us. My wife didn't see him, but I looked up to his laughing noticeably at our non-scripted comedic routine.

"Thank you, Columbus! We'll be back again, please tip your waitress," is what I felt like yelling.

We eventually cleaned ourselves up and roamed around the park once more. Due to the large crowd, there really weren't too many areas open that the kids could see the field. I finally just told the other 4 to follow me and I randomly ventured down to some empty seats close to the field. I waited for the usher to be distracted with some actual ticket holders and seized on the opportunity.

My wife is very much a "by the book" sort of person and this was as close to breaking the law that's she's come to in a long time. We took our seats, and my lovely life partner sat nervously for the next 2 innings, obviously hating the fact that we were wanted criminals. The rightful owners never claimed the seats so we enjoyed the rest of the game from that location. Genius.

The game was good, but the real entertainment took place in front of my wife. She kept mouthing something to me, but I couldn't quite make it out. As I soon figured out, she had been saying, "She's had 4 hot dogs." I then noticed a rather burly, muscular lady sitting directly in front of my wife. I don't want to sound judgmental or mean spirited, but I'll just say that undoubtedly this woman could put me in a head lock quite quickly if she so desired.

4 hotdogs? That's kind of gross. But not nearly as gross as when she sucked down her 5th hot dog soon afterward. Come on, I understand 10 cents is an extremely good price for a hot dog, but is the cost alone what keeps people from scarfing down large quantities of them? It's still a hot dog. Have some self control, lady.

I of course would never say that directly to that woman. Not so much because I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings, but rather for my fear of the impending head lock that'd follow.